


beneath the milky twilight

by ameliajessica



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Kissing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2018-07-26 03:10:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7557856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ameliajessica/pseuds/ameliajessica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first three seasons have a lot of almost kisses for Jeff and Annie - but what if they were a lot less almost? Starting from the S1 finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. pascal's triangle revisited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sound they made, when they suddenly detached, was a pop.

The sound they made, when they suddenly detached, was a pop.

“Oh God,” Annie said, her chest heaving and eyes wide. “Oh _God_.”

She shoved at him. “I can’t believe I just did that.”

“Annie –”

“No, _no_ ,” she started with a nervous laugh. “Don’t think you can just Winger-speech your way out of this one, this is – this is bad. This is _really bad_.”

Annie’s gaze snapped up to his. “You – you _just_ told me she said she loves you and _I –_ first _Vaughn_ and now...”

“Technically I was before Vaughn,” Jeff muttered, mostly to himself.

Her eyes narrowed at him. “Not the point. I’m a terrible friend – _we_ are terrible friends!”

“Annie.”

“Oh God, I can’t believe this is happening, what are we going to do?!”

“Annie,” he said carefully, holding both of her forearms, “we’re both just. Going through a lot right now. It doesn’t mean anything.”

There was no pretending that didn’t sting, and it probably showed on her face from the look he gave her, encouraging her to agree with him. “Right,” she said, nodding. “I just broke up with Vaughn! I really liked him! I’m sad and that’s why I kissed you!”

“And I had to choose between two very important people in my life and that was really hard and that’s why I kissed you!”

“Right!” She nodded vigorously. “We’re just two friends, who kissed each other, because they got caught up in the moment. That’s all.”

The more she thought about it, the less their excuses made sense, and the more everything else did. The way her stomach dropped after the debate kiss; the way her skin felt like it was glowing when he gave her the focus of his attention; the fact that he was the first person she ran into when she realised Greendale was exactly where she was supposed to be.

So she stopped thinking about it.

“In fact,” she said, “it didn’t happen!”

Jeff hesitated, but ultimately widened his eyes and nodded. “Exactly, this didn’t happen.”

“Great, glad we agree.”

“Likewise.”

There were a few beats of silence, and after a while she said, “Well, I should. Go home.”

“Yeah,” Jeff said. Then paused. “Are you gonna be all right?”

Annie let out a laugh that sounded fake even to her own ears. “Of course,” she said lightly. “It didn’t happen, remember?”

“No,” he said awkwardly. “I meant – didn’t Vaughn drive you here?”

“Oh.” Her face flushed. “Yeah, it’s fine, I’ll just call a cab.”

“What?” Jeff frowned. “No, Annie, it’s late.”

“Really, it’s no problem,” Annie said, already pulling out her cell. Jeff’s hand covered her and lowered it. She swallowed down the comfort and familiarity she found with the touch.

“I’ll drive you home.”

She blinked at him. “What? Jeff, no!”

“Annie, yes.”

“ _Jeff._ ”

“ _Annie._ ”

She looked behind him towards the cafeteria doors. “You know you can’t use me as an excuse to avoid a problem twice. Especially not in the same night.”

His lips quirked up. “I don’t think it’s going to affect the outcome too much if I drive you home first. Besides, how can I rely on my critical thinking skills when in the moment I’ll be so worried that you’ve stepped right into the trap of some disingenuous cab driver?”

She raised her eyebrows disbelievingly. “You’ll be that worried?”

“Completely beside myself.”

Annie rolled her eyes but smiled. “All right, you can drive me home, Jeff.”

He bent his knees in a small bow, his hand extended towards her. Her heart _thumped_ once, and hard. “Thank you.”

She gracefully put her hand in his, taking a dainty curtsy. “You’re welcome.”

*

The soft crooning of the singer on the radio who had kept them company died down as Jeff turned off the ignition. As she had got in the car, Annie had offered to give him directions as they went, but, “No, I know,” Jeff had said and so most of the ride had been quiet, and in his nerves Jeff had turned on the radio.

“Thanks for the ride,” Annie said.

“No problem,” Jeff said, tapping on the steering wheel.

“Well, I’ll get out of your car and hair,” she laughed awkwardly, unbuckling herself. Jeff leant in to hug her once she did, but she jerked back with wide eyes. “Wh-wh-what you doing there, sailor?”

“I-I was going to hug you goodbye,” he stuttered.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Annie leant in and then Jeff was the one pulling back. “I don’t think that’s the best idea. Right now.”

“Right,” she said, grabbing her bag and looking at him with an uncertain smile. “Good luck. With, uh, you know.”

His stomach churned, but he managed to smile tightly back. “Yeah.”

He waited till she got into her building to start the car. His GPS asked him if he wanted to take the next right to start his journey home. Greendale was on the opposite side of town.

He went right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eternal thanks to bethanyactually for being a patient and effortlessly understanding friend and beta! and to everyone on tumblr who liked this so much after I posted it in response to an ask meme (looking at you tolly, celerylapel and cori) and spurred me to get going with this, finally. I said I wouldn't post it until I had chapter 2 underway, which means... yep! it'll be here soon!


	2. anthropology 101

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of course in all her anxiety about it, September rolled around at record-speed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was the most challenging chapter - probably where a lot of this fic came from was my dissatisfaction with how the writing dealt with annie and her reaction to their kiss in 2x01, so this is a big one! gah! hope it's not awful!

True to her very essence, Annie had ended up thinking a lot about it over the summer. They didn’t really see each other, the group in general. She met up with Troy and Abed some, then separately with Shirley and even had lunch with Pierce once. She reached out to Britta several times, who never responded.

She never tried Jeff.

*

Of course in all her anxiety about it, September rolled around at record-speed. When she saw him in the study room her heart stuttered in her chest, and she just looked at him, and then he looked up, at her, posture stiffening in a way that told her he was thinking exactly the same thing. Their ensuing hug was more for the show of keeping up pretenses – keeping their promise that their second kiss did not happen, even if his hands on her back triggered a muscle memory that put her right there, back at the start of summer. She pulled away looked up at him, just like she did then, and somehow knew he was there with her.

Luckily, the rest of the group seemed too wrapped up in catching up to notice. Then Britta appeared from behind the couch and announced she never loved Jeff and had just been caught up in Slater’s competition, and that now there are hordes of girls talking about it like high school. Jeff slipped out of Annie’s arms and, of course, made a comment about how it was karma and they started to bicker. Annie frowned, but didn’t say anything. The group left.

_*_

“I don’t like where that’s going,” Jeff muttered to himself, watching Britta walk away, then turned around to find himself facing Annie, alone. “Hey.”

“You didn’t go back to the dance?” Annie asked, features twisted in naive disbelief.

“No,” he said, “I, uh. No, I went to bed.”

“But you just... left Britta? You didn’t even call her?”

Jeff pinched his nose. How to explain to an idealistic nineteen-year-old why sometimes people ran away from their problems, even if it hurt other people. Even if those people meant a lot to them. Was there even if answer as much as it was a universal truth to be accepted? “Look, Annie, you don’t have to worry about it.”

“Of course I do!” she said, stepping in closer to whisper, “I’m...  _involved_.”

Jeff scoffed. “Annie, you are not  _involved._ And – look,  _besides_ , there’s nothing to be involved  _in_. It’s done with.”

Visibly affronted, she stood up straighter and fixed her backpack strap. “Oh,” she said curtly. “I see. Well, my mistake. You’ve clearly got everything under control.” Her eyes pointedly went to Britta with a circle of women around her, teaching them that stupid snake handshake. “So I’ll leave you to it.”

With a swish of her hair, she waltzed off, throwing him a withering glance over her shoulder.

Something ominous unsettled in his stomach as he watched her walk away. “I don’t like where  _that’s_ going.”

*

As she predicted, Jeff dealt with it in the worst way possible. Naturally, Britta wasn’t any better. Annie saw right through both of them immediately, but it didn’t mean it was any better to see them playing house all day. As a  _game_.

And she had to watch it, all day, getting increasingly pissed off with Jeff but unable to say  _why_. After all, if Jeff said it was none of her business, then how was she supposed to argue with him? Not to mention expose the two of them and their secret to the group.

And then in the study room Abed had a ring.

Britta and Jeff both scrambled for it, Britta ended up with it and, so determined to win, she proposed to Jeff. Jeff, equally as lost in this game, said yes and if she was being honest Annie had a moment of wondering why she ever  _wanted_ to kiss him at all.

“I’d been so worried about your souls ever since you had pre-marital sex on the table,” Shirley gushed.

Annie and Troy stood up immediately. It wasn’t exactly like she thought their kiss meant anything,  _clearly,_ but something snapped inside of her when she looked from them, to the table, back to  _Jeff_ and all of a sudden she was thinking more with her fist, connecting it with that perfect face of his. While she was hunched over in pain, she cried out, “You slept with her, and then  _kissed me?_ ”

The rest of the group reacted accordingly, and only then did she realise she’d broken their pact. Most of them immediately blame Jeff, Britta calling her a  _teenager_ , but she also looked at her with such disgust, she mentioned Vaughn and the panic from that night bubbled inside her all over again.

Once the Irish band left, carrying the arch with them, the rest of the group started to and even Annie didn’t care enough about the project to stay. Once she was gone, she looked back to see Jeff striding behind her. He wasn’t even looking at her, and she thought he was going to walk right past her but just as their steps aligned he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into the nearest closet.

“Jeff, what –”

“Why did you have to mention that we–?” he hissed at her. “We had an agreement!”

It stopped her in her tracks for a moment but after gathering her bearings she shot right back, “Why didn’t you tell me you’d slept with Britta?”

“ _What_ ”

“If I had known, I wouldn’t have kissed you! We wouldn’t even be in this mess!”

“It doesn’t change the fact that you made me look like the bad guy,” he said. “Shirley is going to castrate me, and now the group is fighting.”

“I’m sorry,” she said sarcastically, “but maybe you should have considered  _not_ kissing me after you already slept with Britta!”

“You kissed me first!”

She gasped and smacked his chest. “I was sad about Vaughn!” she defended.

“I was confused about Britta and Slater!”

“Yeah, ‘cause you  _slept with both of them._ ”

“Why are you so hung up on that?”

Coherence failing her, she let out a wordless scream. “ _You_ –” she said, raising both hands to pound on his chest. He caught both her wrists before she touched him and inexplicably it raised so much more ire inside her that she used his own grip to yank him forwards and kiss him. And before she could regret it, he was walking the two of them towards the door and kissing her back.

By the time she came back to her own head, she found that she had gotten so lost that without her realising it he had moved one hand to hold her wrists, above her head, while the other snaked around the small of her back to pull her closer. She jumped away from his grasp like his touch hurt her.

“This is not happening,” she said, largely to herself.

“So you’re jealous?” he said monotonously. 

Annie’s gaze snapped up to him, having kind of forgotten he was there.

“How deluded in your own superiority are you?” Annie cried. “This,” she gestured between the two of them, “is just... another mistake. I’m  _mad_ – I told you we needed to solve this together, and you ignored me! Like everything else, you thought you could weasel your way out of it instead of confronting your problems. This is  _your_ fault, and good luck trying to fix this mess without my help – which you no longer have!

“So I don’t have to be here!” she realised suddenly, whirling around to walk away from him. She thought she felt his eyes on her back but turning around to check would probably take some of the punch out of her last line.

*

By the looks of things, the whole group was planning to ostracise him and avoid each other until next week at least, but being darted by your professor tends to speed along the kiss-and-make-up process a tad - okay, poor choice of words given the whole reason they’re fighting but at least they're not fighting anymore. For much as it was strange to realise it, it sucked to have everyone mad at him, and worse than that it sucked having been the one creating the conflict in the first place. And because of that it made it all the better to have the group standing around him when he woke up, looking concerned and then relieved that he was okay, despite everything. 

“I think you’re kind of gross now,” Annie had said, but when he’d reached out to get out of the bed, it was her hand that his fell into. When he leant on her for support to get out bed, they’d shared a look. A  _look_. Annie quickly snatched her hand back and looked at the floor and walked away arm-in-arm with Shirley.

A braver, better Jeff would take Annie aside, separately, pour out the feelings he reluctantly knew exactly the name for. But things were good now, with the group, and the two of them would follow suit. Annie understood - that's why she said what she did, and it was what the look said as well.  _Forget the kiss_ , it meant.  _All of them._ Still, a part of him wanted to step right beside her and do something about the soft and resigning sadness he saw in the look.

Annie looked back at him over her shoulder. The two of them shared an unconvincing smile instead.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks again to the wonderful bethany for betaing, follow her at bethanyactually for quality tumblr content. and myself, at ameliajessica. I'm a dummy who posted the first chapter of this like, the night before I went on holiday to brazil for four weeks so updates will be sporadic but I'm writing as I can! which isn't actually all that infrequent, because there's nothing like sitting in the shade and having all the time in the world to write. anyway. hope you enjoy! all the comments and feedback have been wonderful
> 
> oh! and happy jeff/annie week! these kiddos


	3. 2x08, 2x09 & 2x10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little bit different - these are three snippets of moments in some season two episodes. to make up for length, I joined them together and tried to flesh out as much as poss. this one went un-beta'd so any mistakes are just because I am, myself, a dummy. not that my previous beta, bethanyactually, is a dummy AT ALL.

Jeff wanted it to be known he thought he deserved some credit for this moment in the particular. Annie’s chest pressed against his, panting, staring at with a furious yet ridiculously tempting gaze and her hands practically already done lifting her shirt over her head. Let the record show that despite all this, he didn’t pull her to him and lift her in his arms and have his way with her over the table in a way that he knew would make wound up much less tighter; until she forgot all about her pen, principles, and God knows what else she had up her-- 

You get the picture. 

He also, reluctantly, found it relevant to note that he got very, very close.

*

Annie had never felt so ridiculous in her life. Of all the times she had let herself be led by her emotions, this felt the most reckless. She heard her mother’s voice in her mind, telling her she was being overly dramatic, overly emotional – always overly, always feeling too much of every feeling she had.

She hadn’t let herself believe a word her mother said since she was 18 and getting a bus to rehab but this time she couldn’t help feeling she was right. And it messed her up, put her right back at her adolescent years – lost, confused, feeling alienated from herself and frustrated about her lack of understanding at her emotional state. And, someone help her, listening to her mother.

It only really kicked in on the drive back. In the study room while Troy recounted the tale of the ghost lovers of Greendale, she felt Jeff’s gaze on her and met his eye. She broke into a stupid, beaming grin to see it, knowing after that crazy day – _her_ crazy day – two of them specifically were alright. Nothing proved that more than the continuing of their stolen glances and secret smiles.

 _Stupid, stupid girl_ , she thought, hitting the steering wheel, then running a hand through her hair and composing herself.

This was fine. She just had to acknowledge this setback, confront it and then act accordingly. She wasn’t going pull a Mrs Moira Edison about this and sweep the problem under the rug and hope it wouldn’t crop up again in a way that would embarrass the family _and destroy the life they had built for her and didn’t she want to go to an Ivy? She could still have that if she just **listened** and got her life back on track._

No. Annie Edison was about problem solving. She was about results.

Most of all, she needed to cut herself some slack. So she _almost_ kissed Jeff Winger? So she almost ripped off her undershirt in front of him, in front of the whole group, and walked him backwards towards that table and showed him exactly how naive and precocious she wasn't. The key word was almost.

Especially as it was never, ever going to happen again.

Annie Edison was about problem solving. She was about results.

It was time to remember that, and put it into action. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The fort kiss Jeff felt like he should get less blame for, even if it was disconcerting how frequent these were becoming to the point where they were named according to locations. Not just first kiss, second kiss. Debate kiss. Transfer Dance kiss. Closet kiss. (The Almost kiss.) And now, Blanket Fort kiss. Regardless, in a way, the fort kiss felt earned. After all, he had restrained himself earlier when he tackled her, her warm body beneath and pressed against him stirring something in his stomach. There were capers to be had – plus his blood had somewhat boiled at the idea that someone had deliberately gone out of their way to scare and potentially hurt Annie.

But the bed sheets fell around them, concealing the two of them from the rest of the group and she had leaned into him instinctively – Annie was right there, blinking up at him, eyes wide and inviting and lit by the glow of a collapsing fort. Who could blame him for taking what was right there? Begging to be taken?

*

Annie knew better. Especially after last time, after the promise she had made to herself about this whole situation at the study room purple pen lock-down. She wasn’t some flighty teenager who liked a boy so much the world disappeared whenever he was in the room. She was an adult. Adults had control.

But – the world was disappearing. It was falling apart, in a sense. Everything around them was only pillows and blankets, and not the judgmental eyes of their classmates and friends.

And adulthood was also about discipline. Controlled indulgences. Everything in moderation in order to not fall off the wagon. It was the way with diets, with exercise and it was the way with Jeff Winger kisses. So she allowed herself this one moment. One indulgence. One cheat day.

One kiss.

*

Jeff barely had to lean in; Annie barely had to stretch to reach him. It felt like it barely happened yet at the same time, in its familiarity it was earth-shattering. That they could kiss like this, without even thinking – it meant everything.

Jeff’s gaze was half-lidded, his breath surprisingly short considering the brevity of the kiss. With _Annie_ he’d had steamier, let alone over the course of his romantic career. But still, here he was, completely floored by the quiet and intimacy of being momentarily alone with Annie, and close enough to kiss her without a second thought. Annie looked significantly less entranced but when she opened her mouth to speak, the rug was suddenly pulled out from underneath them. Or rather, the blanket from above them.

“You guys okay?” Abed asked.

Jeff and Annie looked at each other, unsure of the answer, and wordlessly got to their feet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He felt... good after his spirited rant with Britta. He was glad the two of them had slipped into the amicable, almost sibling-like rivalry despite the weirdness of last summer. He was definitely drunk, and life felt pretty good. His eyes moved across the bar to see Annie’s back, her head in her arms on the bar, and his mouth broke into a stupid grin at the sight, his body moving towards her instantly. Nothing could have stopped him from languidly stretching across from her, one hand on his hip while the other supported his head. “You all right there short stop?”

She gave him a withering look that he was sure was meant to stop his blood, and it could have been the whiskey coursing through him, but he just found it deliciously endearing. “I’m not short, you’re just stupidly _tall_.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s both.”

Annie stuck out her tongue at him. For a moment he thought how much he liked her like this. Loose and easy probably weren’t words he should use to address his significantly younger friend, but there _was_ an ease to her and to him, and in the way they were with each other. It was only when she heaved a big sigh, resting her head back on her forearms, that he spotted the sadness there as ell. Without thinking about it he brushed away the hair that had fallen in front of her face.

It jerked her head back up. She studied his face closely for several moments. With a determined frown, she stretched her neck up and pressed her lips to his. The endorphins kicked in wildly for a second and again, he didn’t even think about responding or not responding, he just moves his mouth against hers like second nature. Maybe it is at this point.

Then, just as abruptly as she had started it, she was pulling away, like his mouth burnt her. She looked at him, intently, searching for something. Her face fell and he felt himself desperate to _fix_ it. “Annie,” he said, not sure where he was going with it. He wanted to wipe away that expression, a look he’d seen far too many times, on too many faces, but worse than anything was seeing that same expression, that _disappointment,_ in Annie. “Annie.”

“C’mon,” Troy said from behind them, pulling Annie up by her armpits, off the stool, one hand on her waist as he guided her out the bar. Britta hung off Abed, poking his nose and babbling loud nonsense at him. Annie curled into Troy, so naturally, intimate in a way Jeff’s mind blurred at. Absurdly, he felt very replaceable in that moment.

His drunken mirth evaporated almost instantly. He let himself be led in the car by a 21-year-old, not even registering that his credit car was still at the bar, that the car he was being shoved into was his own, and that said 21-year-old was now getting in the driver’s seat. Annie deliberately sat in the passenger seat (by _Troy_ ) and got out of the car without looking at Jeff. He tried and mostly succeeded in giving himself thirty seconds before he threw himself at Britta.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah! I'm pretty happy with how it ended up but I'm concerned they might read slightly... choppy? I'd love feedback, this fic is different to and more ambitious than anything I've ever written so it's new waters being trodden in here. anyway - hope you enjoy!


	4. 2x12, 2x16 & 2x17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Either you want me or you don’t, what’s it gonna be?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GANG sorry it took so long, this bunch of mini chapters KILLED MY A**. they just were NOT wanting to be written. but here, I wrote them anyway. hopefully they're worth something

“Either you want me or you don’t, what’s it gonna be?”

It became all too much – having to sit front seat at the ‘Boys Annie Likes’ parade, as well as trying to pretend that he wasn’t desperate to be part of it, on top of the biggest float. He was furious at Annie, at Rich, and at himself. Jeff stepped forward, hands reaching out to cup her face and kiss her. She jerked her head back from him and he surprised himself at how instinctively he had jumped to do it.

“Is that your answer?” she said, frowning at him.  

“Annie,” he said, “listen, relationships are... _complicated_...”

His chest heaved and he leant a fraction of the way towards her again. His eyes flickered to hers, which were watching his mouth. Taking that as permission, he somewhat slowly, moved closer, aching with how much he needed this – needed _her_ – and at seeing how heavily she was breathing. At how much she needed it as well.

For the moments she kissed back, his mind was blissfully blank. He didn’t care about Rich or what the rest of the group would say or _why was that weird Greendale bathroom smell was so indestructible_. Just Annie and her soft, soft hair in his fingers; her small, warm palms pressed to his chest, sliding up to the back of his neck; and more than anything just her, there with him, sighing against his mouth. It was delicious. It was perfect. It was the only thing that mattered.

And it couldn’t last. Pulling away, she looked at him with a calm look in her eyes that sent a chill through him.

“I’m gonna ask Rich out,” she said softly, but resolutely. “Nothing complicated about that.”

The door slammed behind her with an echo.

*

Annie’s heartbeat pounded in her ears, drowning out everything else. Her feet wanted to spin around and walk back to that bathroom, into Jeff Winger’s arms. Her hands had missed the steady, solidness of his chest. She had _missed_ —

She thought of Troy’s birthday, and of their quiet moment in her filthy hallway, and how even when _Troy Barnes_ was hugging her, she didn’t feel anything at all. Or at least, not in the way her high school self had pictured a thousand times. But the point was that even when she was wrapping her arms around Troy Barnes’s neck, she hadn’t thought about kissing him at all.

So she made her footsteps match her loud, loud heart.

When Rich said no, she was too young, she tried to convince herself that her heart breaking in this specific way wasn’t going to become a habit.

*

Sitting on Rich’s couch was like coming out from under a spell. Suddenly he was aware that he was dripping wet, holding a mug of cocoa in one hand and a muffin top in the other.

Rich settled himself down in a chair opposite him. “So, is everything okay Jeff? I’m happy to help but to what do I owe this visit?”

“Annie asked you out. And you turned her down.”

Rich pulled a sympathetic face. “Yeah, she’s great but –”

“Too young, yeah, I know – I... I need you to tell me how you did that.”

“How I... turned her down?”

“Yeah.”

 “I’m not sure I understand.”

Frustrated, Jeff exhaled sharply, trying to push the words out of him. “You said she was great, and you still turned her down. How do you turn someone down even though you... don’t want to? Because you’re supposed to?”

Rich frowned, but somehow still managed to smile. “Well you have to establish boundaries – not just for other people, but for yourself, so you can ground yourself into what you believe and make choices according to that.”

Flashing through Jeff’s mind was Annie’s fingers tugging at his shirt, body pressed up against him; the feel of her hips in his hands, him holding on _tight_ ; her sweet-smelling hair blocking out the stench of Greendale bathrooms; the distinct sigh she let out when he tilted her chin _just so_ to kiss her deeper. Boundaries.

“Yeah, it seems easy when you put it like that.”

Coming here seemed ridiculous and Jeff didn’t know what he had expected to hear. Of course Rich, Dr. Do-No-Wrong, had a beautiful, simple, morally _good_ solution. If he had asked Rich how to cheat his way into being a lawyer the answer would have been, ‘Don’t.’ As always, he was everything Jeff was not. 

Rich was peering at him with bemusement. “Are you sure you’re okay there, Jeff?”

Jeff nodded absently, standing up. He apologised for coming over late and excused himself, to which Rich waved his hands dismissively and handed him another muffin top for the road. For all Jeff had no use for Rich’s advice, there was something heart-warming to Rich’s genuineness. Maybe Annie had been onto something. “I’ll... see you?”

“You certainly will,” he said brightly.

Before he got in the elevator, Rich’s voice floated into the hallway, “Of course, the only thing that beats a moral compass is following your heart.”

Without turning around to see him Jeff barked out, “Goodbye Rich,” and stepped inside.

(Outside, he threw the muffin top into some shrubbery.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Guys I'll catch up,” Annie said, making a decision as the group peeked through the door at Jeff, his huge form curled up in the chair next to Pierce’s bed, the two of them sound asleep. “I left something in there.”

Pushing the door open as quietly as she could, she tiptoed over Jeff’s chair. She glanced over at Pierce, making sure he was definitely asleep, and leant over, placing a stealth kiss at Jeff’s temple. Heart racing, she pulled back immediately to check she hadn’t woken him. Seeing the coast was clear, she breathed out and tucked her hair back behind her ears. She spent a few moments before she left to take in a peacefully sleeping Jeff Winger, a smile blooming on her face. Jeff had offered right away to stay behind and drive Pierce home when the doctors gave the all clear - despite the mind-games, and the racism, and the bad jokes, he'd done it without a second thought.

Jeff Winger's capacity to care about other people continued to blow her away.

In the car Britta asked her why she looked so happy, to which Annie just said she was just glad everything had worked out. Britta cooed, reaching over to squeeze her arm. Annie looked out the window and tried to look like she wasn’t lying.

*

The moment she was gone, Jeff opened his eyes and looked in the direction of the door Annie had just walked out of, staring at it for a moment before groaning, covering his eyes with one hand, and sinking into the chair.

Groggily, Pierce was coming to next to him. “Was Annie just here?”

“Yes Pierce, everyone was just here.”

“No – I mean, yes but just now...”

He heard the rustling of sheets, presumably Pierce trying to sit up, and Jeff leapt out of his seat. “No, no, you heard the nurse, you need to rest, Pierce.”

Pierce protested for a few seconds before shrugging and surrendering to sleep. Jeff fell back into the chair, rubbing at the skin her lips had touch like it itched, and tried to stop feeling so pleased with himself. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I care what you think about me, you know?” It felt forbidden somehow, being so open with Jeff. As the words left her lips she felt a spark of panic at her breach of their unspoken agreement. Was admitting this still within the bounds of platonic? Or more than that – could anyone, including herself, be convinced that she meant it strictly as friends?

“Yeah I care what you think about me,” he said, like it was obvious and her heart reacted with one hard leap. “That’s why this happened.”

Annie bounced on her heels. “So, resolved then?” she asked, her voice more hopeful than she had meant it to be.

Jeff’s face broke into a soft smile she didn’t know he was capable of. “Resolved,” he said, looking a little amused but Annie didn’t care. His arms were opening and she was falling into them, feeling the solidity and warmth of his chest against her cheek. After a long, indulgent sigh she pulled away and looked up, still smiling, happier and more at peace than she remembered being around Jeff for a while.

And being mad at Jeff, barely speaking to him, avoiding his glances – avoiding glancing at _him_ – was exhausting. Fighting against what felt like her most basic needs to get through the day, was exhausting. Being happy with Jeff, around Jeff, was much easier. And nicer.

Lost in thought, she hadn’t noticed Jeff leaning towards her, an intense look on his face – one she had come to know all too well. _He’s going to kiss me_ , came the thought, loud and clear in her mind, excitement fluttering in her chest.

They heard Pierce shuffling into the hallway, spouting philosophy. It was so ridiculous, so Greendale, and to be interrupted was so _them_ that she couldn’t help but laugh, practically already against Jeff’s mouth and then pulling away, resting her head against his collarbone. Jeff was less amused, and she felt his mouth touch the crown of her head to let out an aggravated sigh before pressing a kiss so brief to the spot she could have imagined it.

It was somehow just has helplessly romantic to her as a desperate, longing, pressed-up-against-the-door kiss. Or, maybe more. They had had plenty of those, but nothing as short, sweet and domestic as a thoughtless peck at the top of her head. She felt something akin to a swoon sweep her body. 

Until she saw the pencil impaled in Pierce’s cheek, and the moment was gone.

* 

Annie wondered after, when South Park was their new president, if Jeff was going to talk to her at all, for the rest of the day. He had a habit of steering clear from her whenever things between them got too... well,  _them_. She didn't like it, but she was used to it.

But he sidled up to her like it was nothing. She heard up before she saw he was there. "How hard is it to get rid of black mold? What do we need, buckets and sponges?"

His tone was light, teasing and could have held up as flirty in a court of law, but she was just glad things hadn't become weird again and chose to not read into it. "I don't actually know," she admitted, smiling up at him and shrugging. "I'll look it up."

Really, she was happy being Jeff's friend. After all they had gone through, it seemed like more than they could ask for. 

And then his hand was at the small of her back, leading her out. Distinctly more-than-just-friendly. "Milady."

She didn't respond, finding herself incapable of doing anything more than beaming at the floor and walking with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so it's pretty long! hopefully that makes up for the gap in updates. next one might take a while too, life is starting to kick back up again after the summer. but I'm working it on, I swear! I miss these two idiots too much to not write the happy ending they deserve.


	5. paradigms of human memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeff was in a pretty good place at the end of his second year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the delay for this update was because of two reasons (well, I shouldn't say delay as such because obviously I can't keep to a set schedule). 1) the chapter after this was SO HARD to work out how to fit into this universe, definitely one of the biggest things I've had to write around. 2) I kept wanting to add SOMETHING to this chapter to make it longer, and the pressure to do so only increased the longer I took to update. in the end it's just shorter than I wanted. sorry about that! but next chapter should be back to normal. it's just how it is.

Jeff was in a pretty good place at the end of his second year. For the first time in a long while, he had people how genuinely cared about him. He couldn’t remember the last time the list of people in that particular category went further than his mother. But here he was, having found what some may call a ragtag bunch of misfits who had wrangled each into a family.

And yeah, sleeping with Britta hadn’t hurt. Sleeping with anyone wouldn’t have hurt, but _Britta_. They had pushed and pulled at the idea after their run on the study room table during paintball, until after Jeff’s talk with Rich, where he just showed up at her door and marched right into her space. Britta had looked at him for a long moment before pulling him down to kiss her.

As Jeff pulled his pants back on, Britta had sat in her bed, back against the headboard. She never got dressed, after sex. Naked, she looked Jeff straight in the eye and said, “She really likes Rich, Jeff. Don’t screw this up for her.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he had replied, feeling useless and ticked off all over again.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” He watched as she reached over and pulled a cigarette out of her bedside table. She met his eye over the smoke and jerked her head at him inquisitively, as if surprised to still find him there. “The door’s where you left it, Jeff.”

Despite bringing up Rich when he was barely down from an orgasm, he smirked. He liked this. He could deal with this. This, sex and snark and a sincere lack of sentiment, was easy. It didn’t wet his palms, or stutter his heart, or flip his stomach. It was... clean. Businesslike.

So he kept doing it.

He kept doing it because everything else was hard. Learning to accept that his screw-up and being disbarred when he wasn’t qualified to begin with, was hard. _Learning_ again – classes, homework, pop quizzes – was hard. And ignoring the way he felt about Annie, had been feeling all year, was starting to become impossible.

He began to find a rhythm: sleep with Britta; get used to being back at school and getting his life back together; avoid being alone with Annie whatever possible.

He hadn’t realised how delicate that balance was until he had told Abed to produce some fond memories of the last year and Abed had blurted out—

 

*

 

Britta and Jeff were sleeping together.

The worst part was that Annie knew.

She was no Abed, but there were several moments she had held onto without realising, puzzle pieces, that all slotted together in her mind. Britta being mysteriously busy on evenings and weekends, and generally becoming more distant. For Jeff acting that way was a little disappointing but more than expected, but Britta had always made time for her.

Britta and Jeff were sleeping together.

It should have been devastating.

But she knew. In the back of her mind, it had all been there.

Not just that they were sleeping together, but that their harmony, hers and Jeff’s, wouldn’t last. Jeff and Annie weren’t two people made to collide, and the world shook when they did, as if unsure of how to handle such an occurrence. Annie could feel it in herself, in how her body _reacted_ when she was around Jeff. Like being with him was something nothing in her life had prepared her for. So, for the two of them, any semblance of balance was bound to be short-lived. There was always going to be something to pull it apart. This time it was semi-frequent sex with Britta – all year, apparently.

Jeff and Britta felt like the polar opposite to what her and Jeff had. Simple. Mutually understanding. At times, they seemed a mirror of each other. And everyone had seen it from the start – again, it didn’t take an Abed. Frankly, Annie was more shocked at their successful discreetness in going about it, and how she hadn’t seen it coming sooner.

But regardless. Annie was fine. Well, maybe not quite, but she was going to be. It was the end of her second year, and she’d wrestled with her feelings with Jeff for a long time. Sure, they had kissed. A lot. _A lot a lot_. For a while she had asked herself, had longed to ask him, what it all meant, what was she supposed to do with it. But clearly it wasn’t going to amount to anything, or it would have amounted to something. It had amounted with Britta. It had amounted and continued piling up. Jeff and Britta had _spilled_ over from how much it had amounted. So, if she applied the deductive reasoning skills Greendale had not given her, this was all the answers she needed in regards to her and Jeff and what they were and what they meant to each other. And knowing was half the battle – now she knew, she could move on.

She was fine.

*

 

“So it’s probably fine if you want to keep hooking up,” Troy shrugged.

He couldn’t help it, Jeff looked right at Annie. The rest of the group around her murmuring in agreement, he saw her expression quickly change to one of indifference as soon as their eyes met. Clutching her bag strap, she walked past unnoticed.

He turned back to Britta and he smiled at her and she smiled back but then he thought of Annie’s wide, hurt eyes and said, “Wanna stop doing this?” at the same time she said it back.

 

*

 

Annie was fine.

She marched away from the study room, looking Jeff once in the eye before leaving, got in her car and drove home. She pulled her homework out of her bag, methodically placing her day planner, pens, and notebook on her desk. 

She was fine.

_She was fine, she was fine, she was fine._

(She said it in her own head, casting a spell.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope this itches an itch! and sorry again for taking so long! gah!


	6. for a few paintballs more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it might be weird to post this today, but I wanted to post it. a little for me - a little for anyone who needs the distraction, or the smiling. I love you guys so much. I have faith that that will keep us all safe, and alive, and well, and happy.

 

Jeff was still trying furiously trying to piece together the shift in Annie and Abed’s dynamic when the bomb about Pierce had dropped. When he counted down, and he hadn’t sauntered back into the study room, Jeff looked back at the group, seeing how everyone depended on him to have the answer. For his part, his gaze slid over to Annie’s. At his helplessness, Annie’s face hardened and ran out the room – but not the way Pierce had gone.

Britta and Shirley called out her name, but don’t move to go after her. Instead, they look again expectantly at Jeff.

He would have pretended to be outraged but he was already out of his seat before they had looked away from Annie.

 

*

 

His feet took him to the main entrance. He wasn’t sure why, but it worked. He found her sitting on the steps, still mostly covered in paint, her arms dropped between her knees, dejected. She didn’t react as if she had heard him, but when he sat down next to her she didn’t give away any surprise.

“I thought about following him,” she explained, “but by the time I changed my mind it was too late. He’s gone.”

Annie exhaled sharply, her voice taking on a quality that told him she was close to tears. He was ashamed to be so familiar with it. “This whole year... has been so up and down, I thought things were finally going to be okay and now Pierce is gone, you and Britta are dating...”

Her eyes widened in alarm. “I’m – I’m sorry, that just slipped out, the two of you are free to do whatever you want and as a friend I should support that.”

“We’re not dating,” he blurted out.

Annie rolled her eyes. “You know what I meant – just because you guys are too cool to believe in relationships doesn’t mean to have to—”

“No, we’re not together,” he said. Annie met his eyes, saying nothing. “What we... did wasn’t dating, but whatever it was... it’s over. Turns out the sneaking around part was the only part keeping it going. So it’s over now.”

“I see.” He said it to relieve her, desperate to see any kind of emotion in her eyes, but he got nothing; all she did was look back at the floor, thumbing the hem of her shorts.

Unsettled, he blurted out, “Are you going to date Abed?”

 _That_ got a reaction. She turned to him, wide-eyed and bewildered. “ _Abed_?” she all but spluttered. “ _God_ , no we just – ”

Her gaze flickered to the floor uncertainly, as if she knew the weight of what was coming next. “We just kissed. But he was Han, so.”

“You guys kissed?” he asked, embarrassed at the gentle devastation in his voice. _Kissed_.

“He was Han.”

Something ticked in his jaw. “But you kissed him?”

“I kissed Han.”

“Right.”

“It’s not the same.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s _different._ ”

“Yeah I heard you.”

He supposed it was fair. Annie had every right to do whatever she wanted – the same way he had. If she wanted to kiss Abed, and Abed wanted to kiss her, who was he to be upset about it? Especially considering the circumstances?

(And who wouldn’t want to kiss Annie? He could testify she was pretty good at it.)

The problem was that, with all his running away from... whatever was sitting between him and Annie, and into Britta’s bed, or to the one belonging to whichever easy smile in a tight dress in a bar seemed the most amenable; with his desperately burying it, drinking it away. With all of that, he hadn’t actually considered what it felt like when it was over.

And really, though he didn’t want to admit it, this had always been on Annie’s terms. If she wanted it over, that would have been the second that the foundations shattered and it all crumbled to the ground. When she got tired, or bored, and decided to spend her time kissing someone else, he not only had no right, as a friend, but no ground to stand on to want to keep... _it_ going. 

So if she kissed Abed, she had passed the torch of whatever they had had to him. And she had always been the one holding the torch, so who was he to argue? After all, she had been holding it...

...because he wouldn’t.

“You know,” Annie began haughtily, “of all people, you really don’t have the right to judge. You slept with Britta _all year_ , a fact you neglected to mention in all the times we... kissed.”

“Annie.”

“You made me feel – _you..._ you made it very clear that there was nothing between us, on _multiple_ occasions--",

"Annie."

"--and with that being the case I’m free to kiss whoever I feel like! When I feel like it! And maybe I’m not going to date Abed, but – maybe I could want to! Maybe –”

“Annie,” he said tightly, almost closing his eyes in the effort of saying it. “I’m not saying I don’t deserve to hear any of that, or need to. But I need to tell you that I’m... really sorry. For the mess I caused this year. For being an asshole. For any... way that it may have hurt you. Especially at the beginning of the year – and... yeah. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. You’re right. And I promise that from now on, I will... stay out of your business. I shouldn’t have even been in there in the first place.”

Facing the parking lot, she was quiet for a long time, still breathing haggardly. Finally, she let out a humourless laugh, and rubbing her face said, “Abed was right. That you would just slump into the Han Solo role if he didn’t claim it.”

She looked at him then, pained, and with a sort of helplessness. “That’s why I did it Jeff. Why I kissed Abed. That’s why I _wanted_ to.”

He had no idea what his face looked like, but whatever Annie saw as she watched his face intently, gave her a sad, knowing smile. “I’m not going to date Abed, Jeff. He’s not Han.”

The need to kiss her, then, was overwhelming. It was blood rushing through his veins; his lungs feeling too small for his breath. And maybe a few weeks ago, he would have done it without even thinking about it – giving into that urge like he was blameless if he did. It felt easy, especially when he knew she wanted it too.

But there was an intimacy in asking, even if he knew the answer. There was a stillness in waiting – leaning to only press his forehead against hers, and knowing that he was going to kiss her. Kissing had become so much more intimate, personal since... his whatever with Annie He hadn’t known it was possible to feel that close to someone without _getting close_ to them, in the getting-under-sheets, pressing-their-skin-against-yours sense of the term. And it just made the moment before the kiss all the more important to live in.

 

*

 

Annie realised that despite how happy she felt – and she did feel happy. She’d never felt happy that pure, unrestrained before. It wrapped itself in resignation and relief and set her mind _running_. It was more than just... happy. A hot, white dizziness took over and made her have to grab onto Jeff’s lapels to ground herself.

Despite all that, the guilt, the image, of Pierce decidedly leaving, twisted her stomach and spoiled it. She turned her face away from his, but keeping him close, holding onto his shirt, when he took it as a sign to pull away. “I just... I’m sorry, I –”

“It’s okay,” he said, gently taking her hands in his. He was silent for a few moments, and then looked up at her. “Listen, I know things are... bad. I'm not denying things aren't bad. But. We’ve made it through so much, Annie. It makes me think that we weather pretty much anything that’s thrown our way. I might be wrong about that. That happens sometimes. But whatever does happen, we’re gonna work through it together. I promise you that.”

His thumb brushed against her knuckles, and her heart felt like it was trying to push itself out of her chest. She swallowed, trying not to move and disturb the moment. “I think that’s the shortest Winger speech I’ve ever heard.”

He shrugged playfully. “Well you’re the smart one, I don’t need as many words.”

She really, really wanted to kiss him.

She really, really wasn’t sure if she should.

“I should... go,” Annie said instead. “Home. Take a shower. I have a feeling this paint is not going to want to go away so soon, I should get a start.”

“Let me drive you home,” he said automatically.

“And paint your fancy car seats orange?” she teased, but also didn’t want to think about Jeff and her, alone in the quiet of his car, and what it might do to her. What it might make her do. Besides: “I drove here, anyway. I should probably make sure my car gets back to my apartment.”

Jeff didn’t look satisfied, but seemed to realise there wasn’t a lot he could do. Then, nodding defiantly, “Then I’ll walk you to your car.”

“I can find it by myself, you know?” she said, starting to walk anyway. He matched his pace to hers.

His eyes looked soft for a moment. “I know,” he said, simply, but seemed to carry so much weight with it. Annie wasn’t sure if it pleased her, or did the exact opposite. Something desperate clawed away in her chest. She fiddled with her keys. Opening the car door, she threw her bag across to the other seat and turned back to face Jeff, to say goodbye. He was watching her, his eyes still so gentle, and suddenly it seemed easy. She stepped forward, grasping his lapels again, and kissed him.

The year had been peppered with kisses, which meant there was a practice to this one. There was almost a technique to it. They had always made a great team and this was no exception. And yet, it was different. Profoundly so. It wasn’t coloured with desperation, or rushed – taking spare moments where they could, away from the group. It tasted like relief. It tasted like _finally_.

He reached around her to close her car door, then walked her back towards it. In that moment it was the only thing that mattered, Jeff crowding round her, like he was protecting her from the rest of the world. Her mind burnt bright again, distracting her from everything else except the feel of him, there with her, kissing her.  

The sound of a car alarm startled them both, and looking wide into each other’s eyes as the pulled away. Annie pulled at her clothes and took a step back. Jeff’s arms fell away.

“Well, I’ll see you in September,” she said gently.

“Not if I see you first,” he answered, reaching out to brush her hair away from her collarbone.

She looked at him, startled. “Really?” she said, shy and uncertain. And hopeful. Asking him felt too close to scaring him away, but she wanted it to be true more than anything.

His chest heaved, his face pinched in determination. “If... you’d let me.”

All of her breath left her at once. “I’d let you,” she said quietly. “I’ll... let you.”

Jeff exhaled as well, leaning in to steal another kiss, this one intense and a little sloppy. It tasted like ‘thank you’.

Annie got in her car, trying to keep her hands from shaking. She looked out the window at Jeff before driving away, who waved once before stuffing his hand in his pocket. She watched Jeff’s figure in the rear-view mirror as he got smaller and smaller. He didn’t look away the entire time.

And when she finally caught sight of herself, she noticed she hadn’t stopped smiling.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's s2 wrapped up! this was one of the hardest things I've ever written - not just this chapter, THOUGH THIS ONE! WAS! HELL! the least of which because I forgot to save it once it was 80% done and had to re-write a lot of it. but s2 as a whole was... tough! angst upon angst is tough to write!
> 
> and not to give too much away but, I wrote most of s3 pretty much as soon as I got the idea for this fic. it came so naturally, and felt the most satisfying and fun. I can't wait for you guys to read it - I hope you enjoy, and that you enjoyed this.


	7. biology 101

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. *glances around* IT HAS BEEN A MINUTE.
> 
> I have no excuses, other than life being crazy and me having terrible time management skills. I'm gonna try and write the rest of this as quick as I can, but thank you so much for everyone who has spurred me on, and has been patient and kind and understanding in the face of me being a terrible updater. you guys... I'm so glad I have such thoughtful people who enjoy my work.
> 
> this is a chapter for bethany, who never holds back with positive and understanding feedback. it's her birthday in the UK for the next 9 minutes, and I wanted to get this up in time because she has been everything I needed to motivate myself and keep going. thanks for being the greatest, bethany. happy, happy birthday.

“Hey,” Jeff said, pulling on her sleeve. He felt juvenile because of it, but then also he just felt juvenile. Truthfully, Annie had been a big part of why he had been against Pierce coming back. The two of them weren’t... _dating_ per se, but they were something. Well, they had always been something. Since getting to know her he played that first time they met – where she had crossed her arms in that bright green cardigan and asked him what board certified a tutor – and wondered to himself how he ever thought stood a chance.

But where they were at now felt significant. There was already so much for them to work through, and he didn’t want any external factors to mess that up.

So he did what he thought would protect it. For him, and for Annie, and for him and Annie – and for the group, of course. It was flawed. It was stupid. It was maybe even mean. But for the first time in his life he had something to protect... and it scared him how fragile it was. How incompetent he was in the face of the task.

He felt juvenile. But he wasn’t. He was an adult. And adults needed to talk things through.

“Are we okay?” he asked. “Like, really okay? I really am sorry. And embarrassed. And sorry.”

Annie looked sad. “Jeff,” she said. “I just... need a little time. Today was...”

Her eyes roamed his face and she paused, looking for the right word. “Intense,” she finally settled on. Which was hurtful, nonetheless, but probably deserved.

His hand dropped her sleeve. Hers grabbed his back.

“Jeff, it’s gonna take more than you taking a sledgehammer to the table to get rid of me,” she said, smiling kindly. More kindness than he deserved, right now. Maybe ever. He was over a lot of his self-deprecation, but he couldn’t get over just how damn nice Annie was. Just, always. She didn’t even think twice about using it, and so much of it, on him. It felt awful and awesome at the same time. 

(It was mostly awesome. He wasn’t a saint – not selfless enough to truly refuse a genuine smile from the prettiest girl he knew.)

“I’ll get a chainsaw,” he said, trying to make a joke, but his voice came out all wrong, foggy with relief.

“Oh yeah, that’s a deal-breaker,” she said, mock-serious.

It felt strange to think about how much could change from one year to another. The summer of first year he had spent his time dreading getting a phonecall, message, Facebook poke from anyone in the group, most of all Annie.

Which isn’t to say he didn’t still have a ways to go. He did.

His and Annie’s technological interactions were loaded, but still relatively infrequent. A few meaningful texts here and there, mostly about homework or something that reminded one of them of the other. Sometimes it was late at night, and it made Jeff dizzy knowing that somewhere, in a dingy apartment across town, Annie was thinking of him, just like he was thinking of her. That he was going to the be the last thing she thought about in her day, and that if he was honest with himself, he didn't need a notification with her name of it to think of it before he closed his eyes.

When they saw each other, exactly once, it had been with the rest of the group there. It was just too... complicated. Pierce's absence this giant elephant in the room, screaming at them to talk about him.   
  
(Much like Pierce.)   
  
Alone time was rare, precious and did exist mostly in their phones. Jeff had no idea what to do with it – even at Shirley’s barbecue, he arrived late with a bottle of red, and Annie, breathless and beautiful, had opened the door to him.

Partially taken aback by how much summer agreed with her, his silence also came from the sudden realisation that he hadn’t heard her voice – let alone seen her in person – in so long, all while speaking almost several times a week. The most he communicated with any one person. Thankfully, from her expression Annie seemed to be going through a similar process. But before either of them could say anything Shirley was bustling through, cooing at Jeff and beckoning him inside.

But especially after last year – when he did everything possible to ruin it – _them,_  he wanted to to keep it safe _._ There had a brief moment of despair in thinking it – _they_ – had been over, and then being flooded with relief when it wasn’t. The moment of knowing she had kissed Abed, and realising how devastated he would be if they were over before they had even had a chance to be anything at all. How devastated he was, in the moment he thought that that was the case.

So he was being careful with it. With what they had. Or so he thought. It wasn’t until the comedown from the monkey gas that he realised his concern had manifested into the exact opposite of that.

“I am sorry,” he said again. “I was just... you know, I was just worried about the group, and everything was so great this summer...”

“It was great!”

“Right?” he said, relieved beyond belief she agreed. That she had felt it too. “And I thought maybe bringing Pierce back would screw it all up, which was... stupid because clearly what screws with the group is me and my neuroses.”

“No, it’s not.”

“C’mon, Annie...”

“No it’s _not_.”

“Did you just put your foot down? Like, actually put your foot down?”

“Oh hush!”

“Did you just say _hush_?”

“Jeff!”

“I’m not teasing, it’s cute! You’re cute. I forget how cute you are.”

It really was a sight to behold to see her made speechless.

“Whatever,” she said, shaking her head, but looking secretly pleased. “My point is that it’s not just you. It’s all of us – I mean, all of you are well-acquainted with my neuroses! But we’re here for each other, and we forgive each other. We forgave Pierce and we forgive you. And we always will.”

Jeff didn't say anything, and Annie watched him curiously. Finally he reached for her hand again, tentatively, and he brought it to his lips and pressed a long, deliberate kiss to her knuckles. His eyes were closed, trying to convey all his gratitude to her with no words at all. Because he didn’t have them – the words, to thank her. When he opened them, Annie was watching him, her expression wistful.

He let go of her hand slowly, not wanting to, and it fell back to her side just as slowly, like she didn’t want to let go either. They stood there for a moment, shy but content.

“I’ll see you... tomorrow, then,” he said eventually.

 “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Have a good night, Annie.”

“You too, Jeff.”

He faked tipping a hat and Annie brightened, curtseying at him. A silent version of their old rapport. When she came back up, her hair swished away from her face and behind her shoulders. Her neck was exposed and her face still flushed. He wanted to kiss her, desperately, but somehow found the strength to just nod once, fondly, and watch her walk away. She turned back as she reached the door and the sound of his own heart was loud in his ears. The sensation was delirious – distinctly like the muscle memory of kissing her, and the promise of what was to come made him practically dance to his car.

He didn’t, of course. But like, practically. Almost. 


	8. 3x02, 3x03 & 3x04

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (He touched his fingers to his mouth and thought, he probably could do this forever.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so!!! less than two weeks later and we have another update!!! 
> 
> don't... get too used to it there. I look at the rest of what I have for s3 and realised I want to add a bunch of new stuff. so! you're getting more Fic Content than was originally planned, but it does mean more sketching out and writing and revising. and my dissertation (senior thesis, to you americans) is due in a month! so, #priorities.
> 
> but hopefully this keeps you guys going for now! and thank you so much for the lovely reception of the fic so far, and for being so understanding about my erratic writing schedule and work ethic.

He ended up telling her that he felt something for her. Which he didn’t need to, really. Let’s be honest here: he wasn’t pissed because Annie Kim was desecrating all that is all holy in the sacred tradition of the The Model UN – and he wasn’t going to get all riled up because he was that passionate about standing up for his friends. Let’s face it: if Annie Kim had started a _Kickpuncher Klub_ , he wasn’t about to march into a meeting and demand she give Abed credit. And when he called her ‘his Annie’ or ‘his girl’, it wasn’t his paternal instincts kicking in.

 “Can’t keep doing this forever, kiddo,” he said, forcing a little lightness in his voice and trying not to get too lost in their proximity.

Annie’s eyes went from his eyes to his mouth. “Can’t we?”

When he leant in, it wasn’t not desperate or urgent or even necessarily that impassioned. It was slow enough that he waited for her response to the lean to do anything about it. When her chin tilted up, out of his grasp, he nudged against her nose and kissed her, gently. It was familiar, now. Pleasing in a way that was different to stolen moments pressed up against doors or in closets or under collapsing blanket forts. His mouth moved over hers slowly, and he pulled away quickly.

She bit her lips before opening her eyes, and when she did they were bright, seemingly asking the same questions that were racing through his mind. “We should get back out there,” she murmured.

“Yeah,” he said. His thumb brushed against her jaw one last time before he dropped his hand and nodded. “I’ll follow you. From a respectable distance.”

(He touched his fingers to his mouth and thought, he probably could do this forever.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

“But really, how’s your head?” Annie whispered to Jeff, having a break from dancing.

“It’s really painful,” he said with a tiny pout.

She looked concerned but there was a smile she couldn’t contain when she leant over him. Shirley got so distracted by dancing with Britta that her pies turned to black smoke rising out of the oven. While the rest of the gang rushed over to help her deal with it before it turned into a fire, Annie took the opportunity to place a delicate kiss at the top of his head, where the fan had smacked it.

“All better?” she asked, eyes bright.

“My mouth hurts _so much_ ,” he tried. Still smiling widely, Annie rolled her eyes again in a ‘what-am-I-going-to-do-with-you’ sort of fashion, and he loved it instantly. The group were no longer crowded behind the oven, moving around the apartment to open windows. Annie kissed the tips of two fingers and quickly brushed them against his lips. His heart thudded in his chest. She bounced away to drag Britta into dancing with her like she had done nothing at all, and all he could do is watch the swish of her hair, the sway of her hips.

She was always amazing him. And suddenly sitting in the corner, not joining in on the fun wasn’t acceptable anymore.

After a slice of pizza, Jeff walked over to Annie, offering a hand. Smiling bashfully, she placed hers in his, giggling when he wrapped an arm around her waist and dips her. The rest of the group groaned around them but moved on. Troy and Pierce went to the pizza, while Abed, Britta and Shirley kept dancing together.

Maybe Abed was right, and there were other timelines. And maybe in other timelines, he was brave enough to kiss her, even if the rest of the group was watching. Maybe someone interrupted them, or with her nerves she said something that made him lose his. But for now, he pressed his hand at the small of her back and she pressed her face into his shoulder and they moved together to the music.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“We should have just stuck to our original pairings,” Annie sighed, privately, to Jeff, as the others went ahead and left the classroom. Probably feeling the same crick in her neck that he was, she let out a small whine and she titled her head back and stretched her neck. Jeff swallowed and followed the movement hungrily with his eyes before his brain processed what she had said.

“You’re the one who wanted to ditch me.”

Annie let out an indignant gasp. “You – you were gonna sit there texting all year while I did all the work! I just didn’t want a whole year of stressing out about assignments all by myself.”

“Annie,” Jeff said, dead-pan. “At what point in our dynamic has it not beem clear that you can get me to do anything? If I’d known this was the issue I could have prepared a slideshow presentation on the topic.”

“I – I didn’t know,” she said sheepishly. “I thought you just wanted me to carry you all year.”

“Annie I...” he lowered his voice, leaning closer. He almost forgot what he was going to say as he heard her small intake of breath and the minute flutter of her lashes. “You’re smart and you get things done but we also work great together and frankly... I also just like spending time with you.”

“I like spending time with you too,” she said immediately.

Jeff gave her a small, pleased smile, feeling content and oddly nervous. He wanted to keep her here, just the two of them, talking. He couldn’t remember the last time he and Annie had been seemingly without conflict, and he was determined to protect this moment of peace, not knowing what would ruin it.

Despite how monumental it felt, he found the courage to place his hand on her back and lead her as they walked. The two of them moved slower, shy. Or maybe they just wanted the moment to last longer.

He wanted to ask her out, now. But he didn’t even know what he’d do. He felt like a teenage boy, dizzy with the nerves of asking out a girl. Even dizzier at the notion that she might say yes – and what he’d do if she did. He wanted to ask her out – do _something,_ but it felt terrifying.

So he did the Greendale version of it.

“Do you, uh.” He licked his lips and made himself keep talking. “Do you have a free period? Now?”

“No,” Annie said, scrunching up her nose in distaste. “I have my math requirement. I think Troy’s free though?”

“Oh, no, it’s okay. Next time, then.”

She looked at him then, catching his meaningful gaze and let out an ‘oh’. “It’s my last class of the day, though. Meet you in the Study Room? After?”

Jeff’s heart threatened to claw its way up his throat. “Yes.”

Eyes wide, she nodded. Then, something changed in her face and she stepped closer, going up on her tip-toes, and grabbed his tie, pulling him down and kissing his cheek.

“Bye!” she said, leaving the smell of her hair and the warmth of her lips behind her.

Leaving Jeff wondering what the hell he was supposed to do with himself for sixty long minutes.


	9. studies in modern movement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slightly longer one than usual to make up for the longer than usual hiatus - brief update in the end notes if you're into that! if not: hope this distracts you all from the doom the leaders of the western world seem determined to impend on us! ...boy the world is in a rough place, isn't it. ALSO, WATCH THE GOOD PLACE! haven't loved a show like this since community

Jeff still had a ways to go when it came to being a better person – more specifically, being someone good enough for Annie. Of all things, it took parading Dean Pelton around a mall for a Saturday for him to realise there actually were people whose company he looked forward to and enjoyed. Moreover, how he needed to stop skipping out on those people when they needed him. Especially Annie. So he picks up a six-pack of sodas and heads over to her new, but still in the realms of questionable neighbourhood, and somehow manages to apologise without double-backing on himself too much. That felt a little like growth, and maybe the group recognised it and that was why they cut him slack (aside from the _Kiss From the Rose_ attack), which reinforced how much he was glad to have these people.

And of course it wasn’t a competition, but one of them mattered to him in their own particular way. And he needed to apologise to her. Individually, once the people who didn’t live in this apartment had gone home, and once the people who did had retired to their room (which was, in fact, a blanket fort).

“I’m sorry again I didn’t help out... it was...” Jeff crinkled his nose. The embarrassment finally coursed through him, especially standing in her room, fully moved in, and knowing he deliberately avoided doing anything to help. “ _I_ was. Stupid and selfish and... and I’m sorry. And I’m sorry that I lied.”

But Annie just smiled and grabbed his arm. “Jeff, you think I didn’t know what ‘under the weather’ was code for?” Annie stepped closer to him, coyly looking up at him. “You’ve been... really kind and... thoughtful recently, and I didn’t bug you about it because I figured... everyone needs a day off, right? So. I don’t care, really. But the fact that you’re even apologising is...”

She shook her head at the floor and then met his eye again. “Thanks for the soda.”

Jeff’s chest felt tight with... _something,_ his breathing getting heavy and his affection for her flooding over. Abed and Troy were in the next room, a room without walls, but, not being able to help it, he swept down, kissing her.

Which wasn’t anything new, of course, but this was the first time he was acutely aware of a perfectly empty bed behind them.

Annie was aware too, slowly walking them towards it in a way that couldn’t be anything but purposeful.

“Annie...” he said, trying to pull away, but he just ended up saying it against her mouth and kissing her again. This was the big mistake of the situation they were in; once kissing her felt normal, natural, it was harder to stop, not easier. When he said her name, she let out a small moan and nudged him with gentle hands on his chest.

He fell backwards onto it, a little less gracefully than he was proud of, but felt he recovered it slightly by the pleased, surprised sound she made when he pulled her into his lap. Though it proved not that well-planned in hindsight because she had never been... _that_ close to his... _area_ before, and the area in question appeared to be very excited about the prospect of a very warm, very eager Annie being so near.

“Annie,” he said, somewhat urgently, in a way that could be trying to get her attention, but could easily be... something else entirely.

“Jeff, it’s fine,” Annie hushed him, moving her hips in a way that definitely said she was on board with the state of things. He let it happen as his mind went deliciously blank for a brief, amazing moment, but then her hands snaked up his shirt and he jerked back, clutching her upper arms. The sound they made when they separate felt so _loud_ he panicked once more about _Troy and Abed in the next room_. In a _blanket fort._ And only one, very thin wall between them.

“Annie, we don’t have to –”

“I know,” she said, frustrated, “but I _want_ to. It doesn’t have to _mean_... Jeff, _God_ –”

She cut herself off as she surged towards him again, kissing him in a way that was somehow sad and angry and impatient. He tried, and was somehow able to slow things down, and there was less bite to her kisses, in both a figurative and literal sense. When she felt sufficiently calm in his arms, he secured his hold on her hips and flipped her over.

“Jeff?” she asked quietly, uncertain and he pecked her lips lightly before trailing more of them down her neck. Her fingers pressed into his back as she breathed in tightly. He was aware of how he had never been this away, felt this way, when having sex with anyone before, and he didn't how he felt about that.

But he did know some things.

He pulled back. “I’m pretty sure I’m gonna hate myself for this later, but... I can’t. Do this. I can’t do this.”

Annie’s face fell instantly. Her hands went to cover her face and Jeff, filled with guilt, pulled them away, with a gentle, “Hey, hey, no, don’t do that.”

 “I feel so stupid,” she admitted, turning her face from his. The tears shining in her eyes sent a twinge through his heart. He leant in closer.

“You’re not stupid. Why would you think that?”

She let out a whine and tried to hide again but Jeff wouldn’t relent. “I was trying to be all...” she trailed off with a whimper.

“All what?”

“ _Jeff._ ”

“No, tell me.”

“ _Jeff!”_

“ _Annie._ ”

 Staring him in the eyes, she finally huffed.

“ _Alluring_ ,” she sniffed.

 _God_ , she... He collapsed next to her with a breathless laugh. Annie let out an indignant sound and pushed up, looking down at him, straight in his eyes. “Well, I’m glad this is so funny to you.”

“Annie,” he said slowly, “the fact that you think you could try to be alluring, and _fail,_ is, yes, hilarious to me. That you think you have to try is funny enough.”

“Oh,” she said quietly, sounding slightly mollified. Then frowning again: “Then why? I mean, why don’t you—”

Jeff sighed at the ceiling, taking a moment to search for the right words. “I don’t want it to be here, worried about alerting the dynamic duo sitting in a room made of blankets next to us.” His lips pursed uncertainly, and his gaze left hers. “If we’re gonna... _do_ this, I want it... to _mean..._ something.”

To reveal that felt like the breath taken out of him. He finally looked at Annie to see her reaction. She blinked at him.

“I hate you, Jeff Winger,” she said, throwing an arm over her face again.

Smiling, he leaned down, nudging his nose against her arm until she moved it. He met her eyes and said, “I am very, absurdly fond of you, Annie Edison.”

Her half-hearted glare disappeared off her face, like she couldn’t believe he’d said it. Honestly, he couldn’t either. And he wasn’t scared about it. Still smiling wide, he pecked kisses at her lips until she was mollified, sliding her arms around his neck to kiss him deeper, for real.

Again, Jeff made the seemingly insurmountable effort to pull away.

 “I should go,” he murmured, brushing his nose, once, against hers. He watched, utterly entranced, as her eyes closed and she sighed as he did it.

“You don’t... have to,” she said tentatively. He pulled back to look her in the eye, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.

Giggling, breathless, Annie cupped his face. “I’ll behave, I promise.”

“Well if you promise,” he teased. Pleased, Annie leant up to press her mouth to his in a sweet, almost polite kiss. She pulled away, but didn’t put enough distance between them, and lost in the sound of their shallow breath suddenly they were tangled up in each other again. Legs twined in his, Annie let out an intoxicating, breathless sound as her chin tilted back and her back arched under his hand. Somehow, rational thought was able to break through the haze of want and he put space between them, leaping away.

“Sorry, sorry,” he said, shakily putting a hand to his mouth. As if that was the only way to stop it fusing to hers. “I think... I should...” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Annie said, pushing herself up to a sitting position. Her hair was a mess, and Jeff fought the urge to reach over and fix it, lest running his fingers through her soft, always soft, ­­­­­hair led to making out with her all over again. She pulled it back into the ponytail she had it in before, and he realised he didn’t even notice it had come out of it.

It was bizarre, his behaviour around her. He was supposed to have more self-control than this – for over two years, before all of this, he had. But somewhere along the way we they had been doing had stopped feeling like a dirty secret – a bad habit he had to shake. Somewhere along the way it had begun to feel like exactly what he should be doing, not what he needed to run away from. A breath of fresh air from the rest of his crazy life. Despite the complete absence of normalcy in the situation they were in - including the fact that little Annie Edison, with her bright cardigans and floral skirts was the only girl he’d never been able to shake - it had its own, convoluted sense. Which was exactly what he wanted to honour.

And speaking of his crazy life–

Three eager raps came on the door. “Annie, quick! We have something to show you.”

Annie’s gaze snapped to his in panic. With the two of them only starting to make sense of their relationship amongst themselves, a large part of that dancing around the subject, it was certainly too soon to bring in the rest of the group and add even more factors than could strictly be handled at one time. But two nerds were no match for two years of sneaking around, even if that sneaking around was sporadic and largely accidental, and the upcoming strategy barely needed more than a few intense looks to unfold perfectly.

Annie went to open the door. “Hi guys, what’s up?”

From behind the door, Jeff held back a snicker at how terribly she played _cool and casual._ Really, it was amazing neither of them had been caught yet. He saw Annie’s lips purse in response, which only delighted him even more. But Troy and Abed were none the wiser, excitedly ushering her into their room. With Annie standing at the entrance of the blanket fort, waiting for Troy and Abed to “get everything ready”, Jeff was able to silently move past her and towards the door.  

Jeff paused in the threshold, Annie looking at him, eyes wide in panic and confusion at him doing so and not leaving straightaway. With a grin, he blew her spur-of-the-moment, playful a kiss. He’d meant it as a gesture of not wanting to end their encounter with any awkwardness, and to tease her by making her paranoid about getting caught. It was strange how little he had begun to worry about it – something else he tucked away in his mind to analyse at a later date. She rolled her eyes and mimed pushing it into her pocket, but did so with a pleased smile. Troy and Abed appeared moment later to welcome her in, but Jeff was already on his way to his car, feeling lighter, and more optimistic than he had in weeks.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok!!! so the reason these take a long time is because I try and work on them somewhat simultaneously so the next update isn't too far along, or even finished, by the time I publish one. 
> 
> this was a tricky year of my life. I 
> 
> \- finished university,   
> \- wrote a dissertation (it was on representation of fangirls and what they communicate about our perspective on women engaging with culture! let me know if you want a link to it! I got a really good grade so it can't be terrible!),   
> \- worked as a student caller for my university for a full month,   
> \- then actually graduated,   
> \- then went to the EDINBURGH FRINGE for most of august (it went disastrously, mostly, in terms of the actual show I was in and the girls I was with were immature and difficult in their own ways and my mental health went to shit, BUT the city is pretty and I saw some really good comedy, theatre and musicals - most of it for free),   
> \- then I wrote a short story! (it's about first love, summer camp, musical theatre and adulthood and under 10k words so again: if you want the link, hit a girl up)  
> \- then I moved out of my london flat and back with my parents,   
> \- had one (1) job interview and got it
> 
> and NOW! finally life is calming down. and have no fear: I have every intention of finishing this. that never changed, even if my life did, constantly. thank you guys for being so patient. I'm certain I don't deserve it.


	10. 3x10, 3x11 & 3x12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Annie, seriously, you can drop the act.” 
> 
> “I’m just,” she leant forward, pressing her chest to his, “really excited about Christmas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone!!!!! remember how I last updated and said I would do so again soon because I already had most of the fic written? that was TRUE, but I've been having The Depression along with full-time work and travels and other things and it has not been conducive to organising these words into actual chapters.
> 
> I want to give a special shout-out to bethany (@bethanyactually) who comment last night on some jeff/annie posts and mentioned, as kindly as she always does, that she is still looking forward to these sporadic updates (my words, not hers. again, she is so kind) and it somehow was the shot of determination I needed. friends, man. internet friends. jeff/annie internet friends. I don't know how I'd go on without you guys, truly. 
> 
> I really don't know how I like all of these, together, but I like them all individually just fine? and also? I'm trying to stop trying to wait until something is 'perfect' before posting it? and also? I need to go to bed?

“Annie, seriously, you can drop the act.”

“I’m just,” she leant forward, pressing her chest to his, “really excited about Christmas.”

A bout of anxiety welled up in his chest, as well as... something else. But this wasn’t _Annie_. It was some weird, hyper-sexualised, _innocent little girl_ version of her. It was only hot because Annie was. And that didn’t mean he liked it.

“Seriously,” he said, sitting up and putting space between them.

The spell broke. Annie blinked at him, cheeks flushing. Pouting, she tried to push off his lap. Déjà vu hit him of the last time they were together alone – specifically of her pressed against him. When she had last tried to seduce him and he’d upset her by making it seem like the thought of them together wasn’t at the back of his mind at all times. Miscommunication – he wanted that to happen as infrequently as possible. His hand went around her back, keeping her in place.

“ _Jeff!_ ” she protested.

“Annie, I’m happy to say this as many times as it needs to be said: I am very, incandescently attracted to you. Even now, in this moment where you are a Jewish woman in a very un-Christian, Christian outfit for a holiday you don’t celebrate.”

“I thought it was… fun,” she said, looking down at herself. In fact, she looked at the very part of herself that Jeff was stoically forcing himself to not look down at.

Which, of course, he was only able to maintain temporarily and Annie, naturally, happened to catch his eye at the exact moment _after_ he had briefly succumbed, and was attempting to covertly look back up. In terms of the process of _not_ getting turned on, Annie’s delighted, excited smirk at witnessing it was the exact opposite of helpful.

“And deep down, despite everything, I think you think so too,” she said wryly.

“You know I do,” he said, swallowing nervously, seemingly pleasing Annie even more. “I-I just said I do. Didn’t I?”

She hummed. “And you know what else be so fun?” She leant closer, one arm on the back of Jeff’s chair and fully looking down at him.

“What?” He blinked dazedly at her. _Christ_ , she smelt fantastic.

“Glee. Club,” she said slowly. Confident that she had already got him and loving every second of it and this - this - was the real Annie, really seducing him, and that was the hottest thing of all.

“Totally,” he nodded, finally. “Absolutely. I’ve never wanted to do anything like I’ve wanted to do Glee Club.”

“Great,” she grinned, wild and delighted and _free_. Jeff wanted nothing more than to leap up and kiss the hell out of her but it felt like it would be breaking some unspoken rule of this moment. Stepping out of line. It was as madly arousing as it was terrifying – and familiar, being right under Annie’s thumb, exactly where she wanted him to be. Giving into it wasn’t just habit anymore. It wasn’t as simple as her lassoing him and tugging. He was securing it to himself, and eagerly following suit.

“We,” she said, finally leaning forward and causing aching relief to course through Jeff, tinged with agony until she finally whispered against his mouth, “are going to _win_ Regionals.”

“Oh _heck_ yes,” Jeff breathed, not sure why that was the first word that came to him but delighted in hearing her thrilled, surprised giggle. It all the more enticing to go ahead and actually win the damn thing. Regionals, sectionals, quarterly semi-tri-state area semi-finals – the whole shebang.

And feeling Annie’s smile as she kissed him, he agreed with her. This was going to be _fun_.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jeff slumped back in his car seat. Part of him wanted to make a jab at himself for being so broken that Britta was out here doling actual good advice. Advice he should take. Advice he should _want to_ take, after hulking out at a bar-mitzvah over not being the most handsome young man. And part of him did want to, but the niggling doubt of the point of it all remained. That same old question – should you accept who you are or try to improve it? Was he past the point of bettering himself, or was that something he was trying to convince himself because he was scared of what a better version would even look like. Of whether he was able to at all.

He looked down at his phone as it _pinged_ for his attention. _Hey, you doing okay?_

Annie.

Seeing her name threw everything into back into perspective. He was about to type a dismissive reply but before he knew what he was doing his fingers were swiping and tapping and the words _Calling Annie Edison_ were glowing on his screen.

“Jeff?” Her saying his name made everything go quiet, including the dread in his stomach and the loud buzzing in his head. “Jeff is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he said automatically. “I mean, no. Not really. But I just…” _wanted to hear your voice_.

“Talk to someone?” Annie finished.

It wasn’t far off the mark. “Yeah,” he said, though a part of him felt like he should have been more honest anyway.

“Britta said...” Annie trailed off.

Jeff’s chest tightened. “She said what?”

“Nothing! I mean, she didn’t tell me anything specific, but she asked that I check in.” Annie paused. “And I mean, Jeff. I was… there.”

“Right,” he said sharply, feeling worse and worse by the second.

“No! I mean, I just meant… I know you, Jeff. And I—care. And I’m sorry that things are hard right now, and I wish I had the answers to help but I don’t think I do. But I hope you know—I _want_ you to know that… I’m here. And really, I think I understand.”

The seconds passed slow and calm and Annie had begun to blabber again, probably thrown by his lack of a reaction that she had tripped and said the wrong thing. “Thank you,” he said, “Annie. Really. It helps.”

A soft exhale came through the call. The memories came back of that soft exhale against his mouth, from each time they’d kiss; the familiarity of the sound bringing stirring up a fondness in him, and again the world wasn’t so loud.

“I’m gonna drive home,” he murmured, reluctant to end the call.

“Oh,” she said, sounding a little pulled from her own moment, or maybe disappointed, herself. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Jeff replied, unthinkingly soothed by the idea. Tomorrow wasn’t so unbearable when it would be when he would sit at that study room table, right across from Annie. “See ya.”

Jeff mostly was able to stave off the negative thoughts that fought their way to the forefront of his mind for the rest of the drive. The only reason difficult moment was stepping into his apartment, where for several moments he stood in the threshold, unwilling to step into the bare, empty space for reasons he couldn’t explain. Then, right on cue, his phone chimed again.

Annie.

 _Goodnight_ , she said.

Then, _xoxo._

Jeff smiled, texted back the same, and slipped out of his shoes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Are you ever going to stop almost-marrying Britta?” she said, trying to inject some mirth in her voice. It wasn’t as upsetting anymore – she’d resigned herself to the fact that her and Jeff weren’t really going to talk about what they were doing, or what they were, and that by that logic if it was ever going to be clear that they were anything at all. But it didn’t mean she liked to be reminded. Especially when it meant he paired up with the same girl in their friendship group almost every time he had an existential crisis. Selfishly, maybe even absurdly, she wanted him to rely on her that way. Or at least in some way.

His answer was to keep looking at her until suddenly he blinked, like he had just remembered something important to tell her.

“Psst,” he said, even though he was already all up in her personal space. “I want you to know, you look. Really pretty.”

It was Annie’s turn to startle, even if she had thought so as well. “Oh. Thanks.”

“Not just today though,” he frowned, grabbing her hands, and clearly trying to stress the importance of this sentiment. “Like, all the day. Every time.”

“Thank you Jeff,” she said, mock-serious, trying to get back her hands, because it had made them stop dancing and now they were just standing, in the middle of the dancefloor, feet shuffling awkwardly. And everyone, she began to be wary of, could see them very clearly.

“And… you know, I haven’t had a date in the longest time. Or _anything_ in the longest time. Not because... I don’t want to. Because I do just – not with _them_. And I know we don’t talk about it but I’m really… I really like how close we are, because  you’re like this super, awesome great person...”

He trailed off, placing her hand at his chest. “You’re here,” he said seriously. When she looked at him questioningly, he looked back straight into her eyes and thumped her hand against his chest and then she got it.

 _There’s something real in there_ , she’d said, referring to his heart. And she… she was the something real.

As her own heart beat wildly at the idea, that even drunk Jeff was being this open with her, she couldn’t help being doubtful. She’d been trained to be, after all. “Are you going to regret this tomorrow morning?”

“It doesn’t mean I don’t mean it.” He frowned. “Did that make sense?”

In all honesty, it didn’t. Not if she were to correlate everything she knew about Jeff Winger and align it with the person in front of her right now. Even if there were several glasses of scotch pumping their way through him.

But he seemed so sincere, and so... insecure. Like he needed to be making sense. Like he needed her to understand. And a part of her, looking at him, felt like she did understand. Like she understood him. After all, hadn’t she always? Wasn’t that how all of this started, right back to the end of first year?

So Annie nodded.

Jeff immediately broke into a relieved smile. “You... always...”

He may have continued what he was saying but the rest of it was lost as he dropped his head, mouth against the underside of her jaw. She wasn’t sure if he had carried on talking or if it was just a sloppy but earnest kiss to her skin there. It tugged at her stomach in any case, and her knees gave way more than just a little.

Annie buried her face in his shoulder, a little embarrassed at how pleased she was either way and let the music carry them. Until Britta tapped her on the shoulder, announcing, “I’m going to throw up, please,” and pulled her by the hand to some shrubbery outside. Her mind raced with the phantom memory of Jeff’s mouth on her skin even she held Britta’s hair and patted her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to experiment with a non-physical hugs and kisses, hence the xoxo. idk if it worked, but I love the idea of the small vulnerability it allows for, and how it speaks volumes now that it's kind of more outdated? and more of a statement. language! so interesting


End file.
